


Lookalike

by kozukenmas



Series: when one is in love with the sun [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Are Best Friends, Hurt Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Post-Break Up, im sorry hyuck, johnny and jungwoo are only mentioned sorry, markren if you squint, not much dialogue tbh, so is lucas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 05:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21113534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kozukenmas/pseuds/kozukenmas
Summary: Not long ago, Donghyuck and Jeno would share the sweetest kisses. The moon had been witness of their kisses and tender touches multiple times. In their room, or by the park in their campus.But that was not long ago.Now, Jeno had someone else in his arms.Because not long ago, Donghyuck lost Jeno.Donghyuck had heard of heartbreak, but nothing ever prepared him for how bad it could feel.





	Lookalike

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic posted so pls be nice with me ksndjfs  
This is inspired by Lookalike by Conan Gray, so you can check it out if you wanna

Not long ago, Donghyuck and Jeno would go out to their movie night every thursday. They would watch any movie screening on their local theater, sometimes finding great ones, sometimes finding terrible ones. But it never really mattered to Donghyuck, cause with Jeno any movie was a great movie. They would make comments during the movie, Hyuck was thankful he had found someone who didn’t mind his mid movie comments, Renjun would always complain about it. 

After the movies they would continue talking about it, going to Jeno’s dorms hand in hand while the silence of the night was filled with laughter and happy conversation from the teens. Donghyuck felt incredibly peaceful at moments like that. Holding Jeno’s hand gave him a security he had never felt before. He felt as if the whole world came to peace at that instant, walking hand in hand with the boy with a beautiful smile. 

Not long ago, Donghyuck and Jeno would study together every other afternoon. That would have seemed like the most boring date idea to Donghyuck before Jeno, because there’s nothing Donghyuck could hate more than study. But somehow with Jeno it felt almost therapeutic. Donghyuck had to only take general classes, since he was a dance major, while Jeno was a psych major. 

During their study sessions they would lay on the floor, everything they needed spread in front of them, Donghyuck had the habit of looking at Jeno when he needed a break, staring at the concentrated expression, glasses dropping from the bridge of Jeno’s nose. The sunkissed boy would push them back up and kiss his temple, earning one of those sweet smiles that he loved. 

Fuck, how much he loved Jeno. He really couldn’t think of anyone as perfect as the boy before him. He had strong features yet once he smiled it was like the human image of a Samoyed. More often than not, he would get caught staring at his boyfriends with heart in his eyes. 

“Ah, why you stare at me so much?”

_ I love you _ “I’m your boyfriend, I have staring rights.” 

When Jeno needed a break from studying he would hug Donghyuck’s back, making questions about the subject because he knew it helped him study, kissing his face every time he got it right. Donghyuck never knew studying could be so pleasing. 

Not long ago, Donghyuck and Jeno would share the sweetest kisses. The moon had been witness of their kisses and tender touches multiple times. In their room, or by the park in their campus. The park was one of his favorite places to be, they would go at night after buying cheap booze, drinking just enough to get light headed and giggly. 

He was sure that if he closed his eyes, he could still feel the cold breeze of that night and hear Jeno’s giggle. Jeno was swaying in the swings, making a very characteristic “Weee” when going up. 

That’s one of the things he loved the most about Jeno, he looked very intimidating with his muscles and serious face, anyone could be fooled. But once you get to know him he isn’t anything more than a little puppy. His cute little puppy. 

He grabbed the chains of the swings to stop him, Jeno quick to protest if it weren’t because when he looked up, he didn’t meet Donghyuck’s teasing face. His face was full of love. The smaller boy sat in his lap, both laughing as they had to move a lot to be comfortable. 

Jeno swayed them lightly, staring back at Donghyuck. They didn’t really need to talk, the moment felt too intimate to do so anyways. They could already feel the love they both felt without saying a word. Donghyuck moved his hand to cup Jeno’s face, caressing his cheek like he was trying to memorize what it felt like. Maybe he was. 

He really can’t remember who leaned first, it’s not like it mattered either. All he remembers is Jeno’s lips softly kissing him. They usually were more enthusiastic while kissing, but something about this felt different. They kissed soft and slowly, like they had all the time in the world and wanted to memorize every inch of their lips. Donghyuck pulled away slightly, sucking on Jeno’s bottom lip, underlining it with his tongue earning a small whimper from the boy beneath him. He laughed softly as he pressed their foreheads together. _ I love you. _

The night was cold, but Donghyuck felt so warm. 

But that was not long ago.

Now, Jeno had someone else in his arms. 

Because not long ago, Donghyuck lost Jeno. 

Donghyuck had heard of heartbreak, but nothing ever prepared him for how bad it could feel. He didn’t feel it the day Jeno broke up with him on a monday afternoon, or the day after. He felt it three days after, because it was thursday and he realized _ he would see no movie. _ It came in small moments, small reminders. And it came all at once the moment he got a text from Jeno. 

FROM: puppy

Hey, Donghyuck. Is it okay if I drop by? I left some clothes in your dorm and you left some on mine. 

_ Fuck, I should change his contact name _. 

He stared at the phone for probably too long, because Renjun was already looking concerned. Donghyuck tried to formulate a sentence, explain the message on his screen, but he couldn’t find the words, so he just passed his phone to his roommate, staring blankly at the wall. Why was he feeling so upset by this? _ It was just clothes _. But they weren’t, those were traces of Jeno, a silent reminder that he was there and we would probably return. He wasn’t returning this time, he was erasing his traces.

“Asshole” Renjun whispered angrily, turning to look at his friend, his face quickly softening as he saw the tears forming in his eyes. It had been a week since they broke up and he hadn’t cried once, he only felt numb. Until then. Until that moment it felt _ real _. It hadn’t felt real because Jeno gave him no explanation when he broke up with him. It hadn’t felt real because something in him still hoped for Jeno to return. 

“Come here, bub” all it took was those three words for him to latch onto his best friend, crying like someone had pressed a button and every emotion escaped him. At least it felt like it. He doesn’t know how long he cried for, but he knows it was long enough for Renjun to tell Mark to bring Donghyuck’s favorite pizza and the disney movies he loved to watch when he was sad. 

He also doesn’t know how long it took Mark to get there, since he fell asleep crying with Renjun trapped underneath him. When he woke up, the chinese boy was no longer in the couch with him, he had a blanket on and the smell of pizza convinced him to open his eyes. 

To say he felt like shit would be the best way to describe it, that after-crying feeling in his eyes and swollen face. “Be honest with me, do I look horrible?” he asked in a husky voice, drawing his best friends’ attention to the fact that he was awake, they both looked at him funny. Mark took his face in both hands like he was deeply analyzing him. 

“Nah dude, you look worse hangover” 

“Noted. Now I believe that pizza you are eating is for _ me _”

Donghyuck wanted to act like nothing happened, like he wasn’t crying his eyeballs out an hour ago, cause he hates feeling fragile. And if he notices the soft looks both boys send him, he ignores it. And if they notice how he holds their hands longer than usual or hugs them like he needs a refuge, they ignored it. They gave him his space and the protection he needed, and if that included acting like the only issue at the moment was that Mulan was about to save China, then so be it. 

  


(And once Donghyuck fell asleep, Renjun texted Jeno from his phone to drop by that moment. They knew Donghyuck wouldn’t do it alone, they knew it would hurt him. So they searched for Jeno’s clothes around the apartment. 

They heard a hesitant knock, both their faces hardening immediately. And how stupid of Jeno Lee to think Donghyuck would actually be the one opening his door. They had to admit that Jeno didn’t look his best either, he had baggy eyes and a gloomy expression rather than the soft smile he would go around with. And maybe that could soften Mark, but not Renjun. 

If Jeno was suffering or not couldn’t matter less to him, because all he cared for was the fact that his best friend, who he considered his soulmate, lost that characteristic glow he had. Jeno Lee was the reason, so for all he cared, he deserved suffering. 

After a minute or two of Renjun diggin holes with his eyes into Jeno and him just looking around like he was preparing to run, Mark broke the silence. “Here’s your bag of clothes” he said with a monotone voice, extending the bag to Jeno. 

The younger took the bag after a second of processing, exchanging it with the bag with Donghyuck’s clothes in it. He looked at the bag with slight hurt in his eyes, looking up to see he was still being stared at. “I-”

“Save it, Lee, you have done enough. Leave.” without waiting for an answer, Renjun closed the door. 

And if Renjun left in Donghyuck’s room the sweater he knows Donghyck has been sleeping with, that’s between them.)

____________

Donghyuck gives himself a week to cry. A week to feel like his whole world left with Jeno. A week before he pulls his shit together and acts like a functional human being. After a week, he goes back to his normal self, or at least that’s what he wanted to believe. He wanted to believe a week is all he needed to cry his three year long relationship. He wanted to believe he could be happy again. 

And not everyone around him noticed how unwell he was. His dance partner, Hyunjin, would still watch him carefully, like he was scared the boy would crumble from his facade at any moment. His close friends could see that even if his jokes and loud laughter was back, there was something about their sun that was missing. 

It was like Jeno Lee stole the light of the sun.

But slowly they could see him getting better, he would go out more and that spark in his eyes would show up more. And if they ever saw him sending longing looks at the park swings, they ignore it. 

__________

Three months had passed since Donghyuck and Jeno broke up. Donghyuck was now used to training more on thursday nights and spending more time with Renjun and Mark when they dragged him out of the studio nagging about overworking himself. But he felt good once again, he felt proud that he didn’t think of him every waking second, he felt like he could go on with his life like he normally would. 

Nothing really prepared him for that particular night. 

He was just out of practice, and he could swear he saw in the mirrors a familiar hoodie, but when he had time to look around, he only saw the rest of the dance team running out. He didn’t want to think much of it, that’s what he tried to do most of the time. Not think of it. Instead, he picked his bag over his shoulder and walked out, making his way to his dorm.

He had promised Renjun going out with Mark and some friends of his, and since the older had been so persistent on going out, he guessed he had no real option here other than going. And he was right, because as soon as he reached his apartment he noticed everyone was already there waiting for him. 

“You could have waited for me to get a shower before showing up.” he wasn’t actually amused, this was a classic move of theirs. 

“We just missed you a lot, damn.” Johnny, who was already on his master degree, said coming out of the kitchen, hands full of as many beers as he could hold and a smug smile on his face. 

“Sure thing, hyung.” he chuckled, rolling his eyes while he did his way to his room, ignoring the calls hurrying him up. 

He really hoped that night stayed as normal as it seemed to be. Just going out with his friends, drinking a little too much and pestering his hyungs with love with the excuse of being drunk. But of course, since three months ago, nothing seemed to go how he wants to. 

He was calmly talking to one of Mark’s friends he never had the opportunity to know other than his name and the pictures Mark would upload on his social media. His name was Lucas, but apparently he had more names and just as much energy. Donghyuck found him kind of endearing despite how tall he was, he reminded him of a golden retriever. But he didn’t like thinking of dogs lately. 

He didn’t realize where his friends were guiding him, too focused on the story Lucas was dramatically telling. If he had, maybe he would have suggested another place to hang out, maybe he would have made an excuse to go back to his dorm. 

But nothing would have prepared him. Not even when he noticed they were a couple of meters away from the park he used to go with him. Not even the worried look Jungwoo sent Renjun, who hurriedly tried to make everyone walk the other way. Nothing ever would have prepared him to see Jeno holding Felix Lee in the exact same park they used to go. _ That was their park. _

He felt anger. And while everyone expected the sunkissed boy to tear up right there, he just raised an eyebrow letting a rather dark chuckle come out. “The park is reserved tonight guys.” And with that he walked the other way, assuming his friends would follow him, anger bubbling in his chest like a fire that got out of control. The others sent concerned and confused looks between each other, following Donghyuck closely. 

_ Who the fuck did Jeno Lee thought he was? _ It had been three months. Three fucking months, yet he was already holding another boy in the same park _ they _ used to go. With Felix of all people. He knew the blonde boy because he was in his dance class, and he couldn’t believe he would go as far are getting a rebound with one of his team mates. He was pretty sure _ he _had presented them in one of the dance faculty parties. 

It angers him every time he sees Jeno pick him from the studio, acting like he doesn’t know Donghyuck is in that class too. It angers him because Felix acts like he did nothing wrong going after his ex. It angers him cause he can _ see _ why Jeno was with Felix. He wasn’t stupid, he could notice his resemblance with the other. Both of them could he described as sunny boys, with big smiles and loud cheery laughs. 

Did he thought of Donghyuck when he saw Felix? Did he thought of _ his _smile while looking at the sunny boy? Who was Jeno trying to fool? Going around acting like he is perfectly fine, going around acting like Donghyuck never happened, like he doesn’t noticed the resemblance between the two dancers. Felix was nothing more than just a lookalike. 

When Donghyuck caught how Jeno would look his direction when he thought no one would notice, he knew he had won. Because Jeno Lee could try to fool everyone but he knew him, and he knew he wasn’t over him. He knew he had found a lookalike. 

That thought gave him peace, because he knew that even if it was just for a short moment, he was the one who crossed Jeno’s mind when he saw Felix. A smug smile on his face every time he saw them together or when he shared a class with the fellow dancer. _ After all, he is just a lookalike. _

_____________

  


But just like Jeno, Donghyuck could try to fool everyone and fail fooling one person. Renjun. How much he hated that his roommate knew him so fucking well, how he could see past every single act he would put. He loved and appreciated Renjun like no other human being on earth, but he really wished he wouldn’t know him so much. If Renjun didn’t know him so well, then he would be able to hide his feelings. 

“It’s okay if you aren’t over him yet, you can still hurt. Bottling up your feelings won’t let you heal, Hyuck.” when did his best friend decided he would be all wise? He was pretty sure last week he was crying over Mark’s fucking nose scrunches and making the most unintelligent sounds Hyuck had ever heard.

Donghyuck didn’t want to admit any of that, because then he would have to admit that he thought of Jeno almost every night, that he cried every thursday night at an empty studio after dancing until his body aches as much as his heart. Jeno Lee never left his mind no matter how much he tried, how much he wanted to just stop missing the boy. 

He would have to admit he _ wished _he was the one that crossed Jeno’s mind every time he looked at Felix, because it was the only thought that kept him from tearing apart. Because if that wasn’t the case, did Donghyuck really meant that little? Three months was all it took for him to be erased? What did he do so wrong to be left with no explanation? It wouldn't be fair to his heart, so for the sake of it, he wished with everything in him, Felix was nothing more than his lookalike. 

But everyone hits their limit. And when Donghyuck breaks down another Thursday night at his apartment, he is glad Renjun knows him so well. That way, crying in his arms feels safe. Renjun already knew his heart and did nothing but take care of it, so in his arms, he was allowed to cry. 

Jeno Lee had broken him like he had never imagined, every inch of his body hurt with his absence and no matter how much he cried he wouldn’t feel like he would stop. Nothing seemed as happy, nothing seemed as warm. He had no clue if he would ever feel the same, if he would ever heal from the storm Jeno created. But he knew that at that moment, all he needed was to cry. And Donghyuck had to admit to himself, at that moment, that he was dying to find a lookalike. 


End file.
